New Post, New Lil' Ditty Poem, September 16

__________ "So go do fug'gin somethin'" _____

just sittin' and get`in a bit old, ha!
my doin' both the sittin' and the get`in
`cause you see if you wan'na stop get`in
old then you just plain got'ta start
get`in something and that's how
to stop bein' old
or-at-least-if`ya do-it-fast`nuff
you'll die doin' somethin'ya wan'na
do before
ya get old or get dead`n'can't-do
so go do fug'gin somethin'
and' stop`yer not doin' nothin!

thoughts on what I am gon'na do right after the aneurysm surgery
- tim ward, Monday, september 16, 2013 @ 2:34 PM, Tavern on the Hill Mount Vernon

SEPTEMBER 14, SOCIAL MEDIA AS FRIENDSHIP & CORRESPONDENCE

I have very amazing friends. Many of us have never met in the physical world. This venue, facebook, is not the virtual make-believe world that some folks declaim it as. I have come to regard our correspondence as one of the most valued aspects of my life. A current best budrow was met and a beautiful friendship made that has evolved to one of those most cherished life experiences that are so rare to come by. I thank you all for the well wishes during my medical adventures and look forward to our continued forays into all manner of friendship and the pleasures this brings to our lives..., Tim Ward Baltimore Poet-Writer

1966 Un-released "Just Like Me" - Joni Mitchell

I do not believe I have ever heard this one before. It certainly speaks to me as an anthem yet I can only imagine having heard or read of it. It is plain and simple enough to say it is good and it is beautiful:

"JUST LIKE ME"

He's so independent
He acts like he couldn't care less for us all
He's someone's descendent
Their child
But he'll never acknowledge their call
He's afraid to be loved
And I know he's afraid not to be
And he'll laugh and he'll cry
and someday he'll die
Just like me

Just like me
He's settling a score
With a world
That wants a reason
Every time you turn around
Just like me
He's looking for a door
Standing open, saying welcome
Come and lay your troubles down
Just like me

He'll drop his pretenses
You'll see through the stone to the heart of the man
But the moment he senses you've seen him
He'll leave you as fast as he can
He'll return to his shadows
Where no one can look in and see
And he'll wake in the night
And he'll cry like a child
Just like me

Just like me
He's settling a score
With a world that wants a reason
Every time you turn around
Just like me
He's looking for a door
Standing open, saying welcome
Come and lay your troubles down
Just like me

I've seen him look hungry for someone
To tell him "You're doing just fine"
The songs that he's sung me
Have loneliness woven between every line
With no strings to hold him
I guess he could call himself free
Yes, he's free to be empty and lonely and wrong
Just like me

Just like me
He's settling a score
With a world that wants a reason
Every time you turn around
Just like me
He's looking for a door
Standing open, saying welcome
Come and lay your troubles down
Just like me

DAY 11 - POST ANEURYSM DISCOVERY POST

DAY 11, post-aneurysm post: I am @  Tavern on the Hill Mount Vernon and it is an ok spot...FREE WIFI, Ok food, coffee, diet cola, and the atmosphere and ambience is alright, a bit much perfume from the nearby women but that's almost anywhere and if I decide to change venue the Enoch Pratt Free Library is a short bus ride/hike away...I just do not feel like writing. I should go back and call this DAY 11 of the post aneurysm postings. I have had my regular zen meditation//psycho-therapy and expressed the frustration of not being in control and though lifelong morbid//suicidal this is not what I have ever had in mind as regards checking out at my own discretion. I have invested quite a bit in the last few years and decided to stick it out for a few more decades writing poetry, living easily - I hope - and hopefully also settling down to a committed relationship with the girlilla-my dreams...,
    I think this is a good place to pause and possibly come back later this afternoon if I have more to say. there is quite a bit on my mortality laden mind and my first meditation-therapy in 3 weeks needs a bit//lot more contemplation as to where and how I go and get there post surgery from these vascular adventures...,
     Meanwhile I just have not written much poetry or stories or such and I do hope to get back to that soon... thanks for reading..., Tim Ward Baltimore Poet-Writer

ANOTHER NEW POEM IN PROGRESS:

"poets, lovers, and love"

It is because of what I say,
You say, that you listen
To what I read, to what I write.

Because you listen, and then
You tell me what I have said
I say things that I cannot emote.

I am not so bold
As you may tell yourself,
As I hear you introduce the poet to others.

Were I that man,
The poet, the writer I have written,
would you rather love me than to talk of poetry?

I am not so old
That I have forgotten how to love
What I recall is inspired by you, not just your youth.

Is it because of what I say,
That you listen, or do you love
The poetry or that man I am when I speak?

Am I a man so bold,
So young as to be a poet who writes of love,
May I yet be both the lover and the love?

Will you then be so bold,
As my poems and the poem asks of you
may you yet be both the lover and the love...?

...... - tim ward, Barnes & Noble Johns Hopkins Bookstore, 5:54 pm, Saturday, August 31, 2013.... I ain't finished with this one yet...daggone love poems are difficult to think while writing...,

Day Two & Day Three (following): 24 hours after leaving Johns Hopkins Hospital and arriving home I feel pretty darn good about the impending abdominal aneurysm surgery. I have so many aches and pains as a result of these two herniated lumbar that it is good to know there is a major other source to pains. It confirms my description of feeling like my legs, butt, feet were not getting enough oxygen, as when you might cramp up while swimming or in the middle of the night. This is a result of an occlusion the the vessels next to the aneurysm but as long as the doctors say it is eminently" do-able" though in an old-school open surgery, well, I am happy to be rid of the pain. And! I am also happy to be free of a life threatening condition even if it did come a coupl'a years earlier than fore-cast back in `09. If not for the lumbar disks I may have not found out, Ka-boom! in time for anything other than a painful death so there is the relief that forbids me fear...I am safer now than I have been in ...who knows when it developed to this diameter of danger.Soooo, with that good cheer, to me and I print it here to allay the fears others have expressed, I shall bid y'all a very good night's peace, fun, and sleep. Any literary or entertainment suggestions away from the HarborPlace festivities please feel free to commednt them here or post on my wall if they are of the nearby literary sort..., PEACE, BE`WELL and GOOD NIGHT..., Tim

Day Three: So, just as yesterday I spent a lot of time resting because, well, pain is painful and fatiguing, and I had a lot of Hospital time/stress to think over and calm down about. Today I spent much of the day, Midnight - 1:00 p.m. today, also resting/sleeping because the pain/stress/insomnia/dreams kept me up `til 5:00 a.m. Almost e very extra twitch/spasm/ache on my left rib to pelvis side is now become a worry that the aneurysm shall explode or is on its way to leaking. I have been told by the doctors that the pain is excruciating when it goes and to watch for any changes, soooo, are the changes mild before they become excruciating? Hmm, I hope not to find out. I believe I should call my Primary Physician asap Tuesday the 3rd even if I have to buy the coffee and danish. good enough reason for a danish anyway and I do have to pick up medicines right there at the Clinic. If this is read by anyone anytime soon give me a comment on how not to be freaked out. I do NOT suppose that is entirely possible since the extra aches and pains of the two lumbar disks and their concomitant pains are constant and the difference is hard to discern especially while sitting. Sooo, I guess I shall just have to try to be reasonably scared and tolerably patient while attempting to "zen the pains and fears" into a part of everyday existence..., ANY IDEAS...,