Surely I call myself a Writer and writers do write but I really do not want to today because: I am tired, I am fatigued, I know the difference and that now scares me. OK, being tired means you exercised something, somehow, to a certain point and it tired you. Relax, recuperate, go again...Nope! I walked downstairs, made one cup of instant ( a way to limit intake before going out) and had four slices of schmeared cream-cheese 12-grain toast. That little bit is tiring especially since I had to go up-down again on the stairs. Count the trips on the stairs. Yes, verily, and until the last 12 - 6 months I would deliberately wind myself on multiple sets of stair-climbing.
I saw my Doc - CRNP T. C. - because the narcotics for chronic pain are too cumbersome of my breathing and because I have a new pain on my lower front left rib?? WRONG. I have a progression of the pain caused by the aneurysm itself as the weight gain, 30+ pounds,yuck, presses against the aortic artery itself which is not just huge circumferentially but also traversely 10 centimeters, I think I quoted that correctly. Any way I quote this information it scares me and I just found out yesterday about the 10 centimeters and that's a a whole hell of a lot of damn centimeters, like this long a tleast _______________________________________________ and that's a lot of artery to be this wide ____________________. Jeepers, Yes, I am scared!!! and this presses enough on a rib cage to feel like a fracture!!!! Oops, did I say scared? How about RF Scared!? Ok, so the surgery is next Thursday the 31st, Halloween Day but I can think of better ways to be scared. Are there any neurotically human women out there willing to say, "hello how are you, how about coffee or dinner." That's my preferred level of fright because I know it's going to be trick and treat scary. Speaking of dinner how about a whole buncj of nice-minded folks go to Alchemy36 as soon as I can fit more than an appetizer into my diminishing appetite. another way to be scared: where is the weight gain coming from if I am not eating as much. OK, so ice-cream is high caloric intake and I cannot strenuously exercise but this has really gotten serious as to detrimental side-effects. When I have to turn down a bowl of ice cream with my six-foot, eleven inch height and put on 30+ pounds are you sure it's only an aneurysm. that's another side effect. Denial: I look at denial as also making up fears of other symptoms so that the Godzilla ailments are not quite so scary, "Oh, that's not the aneurysm that's something else I can deal with later." Which reminds me that I have two bulgin lumbar discs that brought all of this original pain problem to the surface. Any recommendations on whether to go for Hopkins for Spine & Rehab or try to get Kernan's and University of Maryland. I like the idea of Kernan's but if Hopkins already has my cardiology should I stick with them and have amy neurology also under their roof and care???
I was going to close with a Poem but I cannot think of any particular...wait a minute..their is my favorite and my signature Poem...lem'me see if I can transcribe it here:
"AT TIMES, MY DOG VISITS"
At times, my dog visits
Where he has no home -
He shows his wide grin, sits in
Your favorite spot,
Looking for a friend, Perhaps
Also a brief rub or scratching -
He will not stay long,
Or, if he lingers,
He knows to go
When sent away...,
Except for me
He is quite
Alone.
Thanks for reading, I hope my stuff is not too gory in detail or needful in a self-pitying way. I have recently met some folks going through many other painful and or mortal medical difficulties and we are mutually supportive rather than...ok, we are needful of hugs and smooches also, but it is the attentions given to good old wonderful friendship that I believe we most value so, thanks for the friendship..., Tim Ward
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