Friday, 25th October & "I Do Not Want To Write"

Surely I call myself  a Writer and writers do write but I really do not want to today because: I am tired, I am fatigued, I know the difference and that now scares me. OK, being tired means you exercised something, somehow, to a certain point and it tired you. Relax, recuperate, go again...Nope! I walked downstairs, made one cup of instant ( a way to limit intake before going out) and had four slices of schmeared cream-cheese 12-grain toast. That little bit is tiring especially since I had to go up-down again on the stairs. Count the trips on the stairs. Yes, verily, and until the last 12 - 6 months I would deliberately wind myself on multiple sets of stair-climbing.

     I saw my Doc - CRNP T. C. - because the narcotics for chronic pain are too cumbersome of my breathing and because I have a new pain on my lower front left rib?? WRONG. I have a progression of the pain caused by the aneurysm itself as the weight gain, 30+ pounds,yuck, presses against the aortic artery itself which is not just huge circumferentially but also traversely 10 centimeters, I think I quoted that correctly. Any way I quote this information it scares me and I just found out yesterday about the 10 centimeters and that's a a whole hell of a lot of damn centimeters, like this long a tleast _______________________________________________ and that's a lot of artery to be this wide ____________________. Jeepers, Yes, I am scared!!! and this presses enough on a rib cage to feel like a fracture!!!! Oops, did I say scared? How about RF Scared!? Ok, so the surgery is next Thursday the 31st, Halloween Day but I can think of better ways to be scared. Are there any neurotically human women out there willing to say, "hello how are you, how about coffee or dinner." That's my preferred level of fright because I know it's going to be trick and treat scary. Speaking of dinner how about a whole buncj of nice-minded folks go to Alchemy36 as soon as I can fit more than an appetizer into my diminishing appetite. another way to be scared: where is the weight gain coming from if I am not eating as much. OK, so ice-cream is high caloric intake and I cannot strenuously exercise but this has really gotten serious as to detrimental side-effects. When I have to turn down a bowl of ice cream with my six-foot, eleven inch height and put on 30+ pounds are you sure it's only an aneurysm. that's another side effect. Denial: I look at denial as also making up fears of other symptoms so that the Godzilla ailments are not quite so scary, "Oh, that's not the aneurysm that's something else I can deal with later." Which reminds me that I have two bulgin lumbar discs that brought all of this original pain problem to the surface. Any recommendations on whether to go for Hopkins for Spine & Rehab or try to get Kernan's and University of Maryland. I like the idea of Kernan's but if Hopkins already has my cardiology should I stick with them and have amy neurology also under their roof and care???
     I was going to close with a Poem but I cannot think of any particular...wait a minute..their is my favorite and my signature Poem...lem'me see if I can transcribe it here:

"AT TIMES, MY DOG VISITS"

At times, my dog visits
Where he has no home -
He shows his wide grin, sits in
Your favorite spot,
Looking for a friend, Perhaps
Also a brief rub or scratching -

He will not stay long,
Or, if he lingers,
He knows to go
When sent away...,

Except for me
He is quite
Alone.


Thanks for reading, I hope my stuff is not too gory in detail or needful in a self-pitying way. I have recently met some folks going through many other painful and or mortal medical difficulties and we are mutually supportive rather than...ok, we are needful of hugs and smooches also, but it is the attentions given to good old wonderful friendship that I believe we most value so, thanks for the friendship..., Tim Ward

Sunday, October 20: Another Poem

As my pen pauses the mind regards itself
In a long Autumn afternoon of light
That yet hurries as it shall not last
Like those lazed thoughts on summer's days
When I could gaze opposite the setting sun's rays
And still see well beyond the late evening's darkness
The paths that my love for you had taken in writing
Words that become shorter as winter nears
When we hurry to have our day done
That we might dream new dreams
These long nights we spend
Abed resting and loving
That we might rise
To love more
The next
Day.

- tim ward, sunday, october 20, 2013 @ 2:46pm, Barnes & Noble Johns Hopkins Bookstore

Sunday, October 20: An Autumn Poem

Do others dream as I do
On Autumn afternoons made for love
Of the brilliance of love
In the eyes of a beloved woman
As she paints stories of beauty
Across a horizon where paired hawks
Fly each within the orbit of the other
As they cascade wildly through the skies.

 - tim ward, sunday, october 20,2013 @ 13:9 pm @ Barnes & Noble Hopkins

"More Than A Cat's Purr Could Imagine"

The scratches started at her ankle. It had been a long day and a fair night of endeavours into cuddlesome lovemaking, more heartfelt I Love You's than grand finales to an overture by Tschaikovski. Yet we both fell long and lovingly into the first crisp, cool night of sleep this Autumn. My leg cramps in cold weather are most bothersome and everything with my legs during this arterial illness made them more so from the strain of not enough blood-oxygen to my hips, pelvis, legs, ankles and feet. We both usually slept lightly and I woke almost drunken from the night's deprivation of painkiller forgotten during our earlier repastes of each other's kisses into slumberous embrace. She woke long enough to sigh her bothersome lament at my ongoing dry toe inflictions upon her pearline and beautiful legs and simply said, 'you know what to do, I'm going back to sleep. I pondered a bit and decided this woman of few words meant for the ablutions to begin now rather than later when even in sleep she surely knew we were going swimming the last of the fall good days -brrrr, to her not me - and her legs would be then on display for all. I leave this sojourn at this point, to perhaps let you imagine how you might like the rest of our morning to have gone. A woman's legs are never fully appreciated until they have been carefully and with exquisite detail been massaged and caressed from toe-tips to the beginnings of belly and spine. She has her various ointments and such and these should be learned before one forgiven for not remembering the name of the cat who recently died while you were just dating and before the current nemesis of you attentions became a part of your beloved's life. The cat also should never be allowed in the bedroom while either lovemaking or body-care with creams are in progress. I was fortunate in this regard as she was basically allergic, though mildly, to cats and much annoyed by any interruption with claws as she was with toenails and with fur as she used these lotions and creams extensively on her allergy, sunburn, and of course, scratch sensitive skin. (We spent many loving days repairing the damage done by the holday pine tree which she insisted had to be put up no matter the scratches or pine resin allergy.) So, again, the scratches began at her ankles and instep and because of certain prior contortion even occurred high up on her well-curved haunches and derriere. The fulfillment of my first real test as the sensitive man she would keep around is evidenced by the Xmas tree story aforementioned and the fact that said tree did not come down until late the following spring. I worked a bit harder at my self-employment as a taxi-driver to gather and present the finest ointments to alleviate any and all affronts and injuries to these magnifecent legs and was often invited to soothe and provide only such succor after the relationship ended the following Independence Day Summer.

SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 21, ANOTHER NEW POEM, 1ST DRAFT "A REFLECTION ON A HARVEST MOON" Saturday night during the rain Early in Autumn when we are not ready For Summer to be finished without A friend for a supper to say farewell By way of the early Harvest Moon As it speaks to us of what has brought us To this time of the year when she is full And we can lay back with our love Naked and full as we celebrate the bounty Of the seasons and our love joined as one. - Tim Ward, At Barnes & Noble Johns Hopkins Bookstore, 7;18 pm, Saturday, September 21, 2013

"A REFLECTION ON A HARVEST MOON"

Saturday night during the rain
Early in Autumn when we are not ready
For Summer to be finished without
A friend for a supper to say farewell
By way of the early Harvest Moon
As it speaks to us of what has brought us
To this time of the year when she is full
And we can lay back with our love
Naked and full as we celebrate the bounty
Of the seasons and our love joined as one.

- Tim Ward, At Barnes & Noble Johns Hopkins Bookstore, 7;18 pm, Saturday, September 21, 2013

TWO NEW POEMS ON SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 21...1ST DRAFTS

"Other Than That, I Love You"

I like you a lot and other than that
What I would like to say, love to say,
Like to tell you are many things about
How much you mean to me simply
Because you take the time to listen,
You smile when you talk and always,
Always remember what we last spoke of
And have something positive to offer
What i would like to know is do you
Believe that a guy like me starting over,
Might I be that man you are looking for?


~~~~~ and ~~~~~

"ROSES GAVE ME THE BLUES"

Roses are nice, red or any color
But they are a drag to deliver
The minimum wage and your tip
Just do not make up for my long walks
to the internal office of the boring office building
Where all of your co-workers yell, mine, mine, mine
They even answer yes to your name
Or offer to keep them on their desk
Because you and your boyfriend took the day off
While the poor schmuck, husband, lover, significant other
Sent flowers and you were called out to a meeting suddenly
Which held up about as long as the fragrance and kisses
That he left behind because you did not care enough to plan
The sweet lies that could have kept your rent-check going
For an anniversary that I delivered flowers from a different guy
The next year and subsequent years after that
And did I mention I am glad I lost that job?

- Tim Ward, at Barnes & Noble Johns Hopkins Bookstore, 6:05 Saturday, September 21, 2013

Another New Poem, Monday September 16, 2013

"I Love You And"

I love you and
Writing these poems of sorts
and other sorts and stories
Prolly might mean I am not
Going to write that love poem,
the one that only you shall know
It is all about you, it could only be
About you because
I love you more than anything else
And I would never hide
My deep, passionate abiding love
For you inside an ordinary poem
That only said I love life and am happy,
I am happy, I am happy, I am happy -
I am happy that you are inside my life
And one day I shall write a poem and
I shall put you inside the poem in the best places,
The places that say I love you and am happy and
I may end the poem also saying I love you
Because I want you to be everywhere when I look and say
I love you.

new poem...... - tim ward, and I felt like putting the 1st draft here on facebook on Monday, September 26, 2013 @ 2:51 because I told my therapist I was going to be happy and write a love poem and here it is and I am happy and AI hope this helps you be happy also, thank You for reading..., Tim Ward Baltimore Poet-Writer

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